On Valentine’s Day of the year 2000, my boyfriend at the time told me that he was sure he wasn’t “in-love” with me anymore and wanted me to move out. I was heartbroken. As I sadly packed my things, I hurt so much I hoped I would never feel this way again.
Two years later another boyfriend, this one long distance, came to town and at the end of the weekend he told me it wasn’t working out. We broke up. I was hurt, but at least this time I was thankful that I didn’t have to pack anything away.
Those memories are some of the darkest moments of my life. I thought they would last forever, but they did not. I worked on getting my life back together and to keep trying to find someone to love.
In 2002 I got serious about finding a really good relationship. And although I dated a few guys that year, eventually I found someone, and we’ve been together ever since.
The lesson of the day is that sometimes there is a darkness before the dawn when it comes to love.
In both of those moments, those Valentine’s days two years apart, I felt sad. Despondent. Almost depressed. But most of all I felt two things very strongly:
I felt unloved. And worse: I felt unlovable.
I thought I had done something wrong in these relationships. I started to scrutinize every moment of each relationship, trying to pinpoint when things went wrong. I tried to examine what I had done “wrong”.
But looking back now, I didn’t do anything “wrong”. I was just being myself. And being myself is totally OK. It’s just that I was no longer compatible with these people in this time of their lives.
Romantic relationships mold and change. Friendships mold and change. Even relationships with your parents or siblings change over the years.
So if you are in one of those moments where it seems very dark today on Valentine’s Day, or any other day supposed to be about sweethearts and love…. I just want you to know that sometimes there is a darkness before the dawn.
Get yourself ready for the dawn of your new life. A new life away from that past relationship that obviously wasn’t as fabulous as the amazing you that you are. Get yourself ready to find new friends and new lovers.
If you feel truly hurt, I understand completely. Take some time to heal. But eventually you will have to open up the shades of your heart, and open up the windows to the sunshine rays of love.
And when you do, you’ll remember just how good it feels to let the sunshine in.
Sending rays of sunlight, love and encouragement your way,
~ Heidi